Otto Limmput: Bainimarama's draft speech from 6th January 2012 (Satire)

An insider was able to give me Bainimarama’s draft of his speech dated 6^th January. His draft was then sent to Qorvis who turned it into the speech we all heard on Friday 6^th. Bainimarama’s draft paints a truer picture of the situation in Fiji.

My humble servants: As I told you in my New Year’s address the Public Emergency regulations will be lifted tomorrow. Now I will tell you what will really happen; I did not want to tell you before because I did not want to ruin the good will on the first day of 2012.

This marks an important step toward the informing, you my humble servants, about the new constitution under which a truly democratic election will vote me in as President and Khaiyum, He is the one with his hand up my arse, as Prime Minister.

No modern state, especially one created by an act of terror wishes terror upon itself. I am sure you understand, my humble servants, that it is important for the well being of my family that I take a lead from countries such as Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Equatorial Guinea and Bahrain to name a few of Qorvis’s more enlightened truly democratic clients.

In Fiji we have experienced terrorism. I should know because I was the ring leader. Qarase will never forget the terror of having armed soldiers at his door. President Iloilo would always shake when he signed any document I asked him to sign.

We must never allow this to happen again because that would remove me from power. Therefore I will crack down on anyone who threatens my authority and my wife’s shopping trips.

In the UK a person can be detained for 14 days on suspicion of terrorism. My friend Robert Mugabe tells me that is nothing and he can detain people for as long as he wants. Now that’s sensible. He has been a dictator as long as anybody and he knows what he is doing. The USA has Guantanamo Bay and detains all terrorists offshore. That is a great idea and we are going to close Rotuma to all civilians and turn it into a massive detention centre.

Mugabe also tells me that any vilification of the Zimbabwe’s Supreme ruler and family even on the internet has been criminalized. Any blog site that shows another picture of me and my son in the back of a limo will be exterminated. I have found the people who hacked the Government website this week and they are now working for me at the high speed internet cell at Naboro.

We have had such safeguards in Fiji under the PER. However, I removed it in a shameless attempt to garner international support and to pretend we will have consultations on democracy. However as my puppet master informed me we need to ensure that MY rights are protected and so we have updated the Public Order Act.

Over the past few years I have brought in a number of changes. We have sought to empower my family and modernize us. Well at least all my grand children have iPads and I have an iPhone. My new friend Kim Jong-un, the Supreme Commander of North Korea gave me a new app for my iPhone for Christmas. It is called iDictate and a lot of the new Public Order Act came directly from the App. (Note to self. Make me Supreme Commander at first available opportunity)

My Government has been very successful and we have achieved an overall decrease in the crime rate because nothing that I, my ministers and members of the military do can be a crime. 

Under past governments corruption prevailed and the economy was mismanaged. (Apparently they had something called economic growth, I have no idea what that is) But anyway the problem with their corruption was that it did not include me, Khaiyum or Aunty Nur. I feel sorry for Aunty Nur because she is so ugly and she says she needs all this money for major plastic surgery. She was given a quote the other day and it will cost over $10m USD to make her into a decent looking woman.

Now my Government, with the help of corruption and has made sure that all the money coming into Fiji goes through Aunty Nur and Khaiyum. They then give me a cut he tells me it is the biggest cut because I am the dictator and I trust everything Lickmyarse says.

Over the past few years here is a list of my Governments achievements.

1. Implementation of a common and equal citizenry – We have all read Animal Farm and some citizens, namely myself are more equal than others.
2. Outlaw of institutionalized racism and other discriminatory practices – Just look at the military, we are an institution, we have racism and we are outlawed by the rest of the world.
3. Codifying equal rights for women – Aunty Nur gets an equal share
4. Creation of FICAC – That’s a godsend for making sure all the corruption comes my way. If you don’t send the cash to my Swiss bank account then you go to Prison.
5. Creation of the Independent Legal Services Commission – That is answerable to Khaiyum
6. Instituting a Child Welfare Decree – If I had not increased poverty we would not have needed this.
7. Putting in place a new Crimes Decree – That gives me total control
8. Creating a transparent and sustainable provident fund – Well I will have a pension that will keep me and Mary in the way  we have become accustomed
9. Equal distribution of land lease monies – Half for all the owners and half for me
10. And Restructured Fiji Sugar Corporation and the Sugar industry – Vaniqi tells me we have had a run of record years. He said “Lowest production ever”
11. Getting better returns for landowners and providing security for tenants – As Khaiyum and I are now the biggest landowners it is imperative we get bigger returns and also we need to make sure our Chinese tenants are well looked after.

Under me Fiji has managed to do great things and these include:

1. We have made unprecedented investment in technology and communications. How else do you think we read all emails and listen to those Vodafone mobile calls?
2. We have invested greatly in rural areas. My new farms are doing very well and supplying food to my new mines.
3. We have increased poverty so more people need free food, textbooks etc.
4. We have increased our diplomatic ties, especially with those countries whose concept of democracy is as flawed as my own.
5. We have brokered many successful partnerships. Aunty Nur with Rewa Dairy, Aunty Nur, with 100 sands Casino, Aunty Nur with…. She is good about sharing the wealth
6. We have given impetus to the private sector – And that is why they are all investing overseas
7. We have been able to cut taxes  – I have found that if you keep the money offshore in Switzerland or the Caymans you don’t pay tax at all.

But none of this could have been successful if the normal checks and balances of a democratic system had been in place.

We would not have been able to move forward if democracy had kept us in the past. The freedom blogs have not seen the light and with my new iDictate app they will be destroyed.

There is nothing more I want than a Fiji which has me as Supreme Commander for life…..

Unfortunately the rest of the speech was unreadable as there was a large Johnny Walker Blue Label stain.

New York Times: Fiji Lifts Martial Law, but Installs New Regulations

By MATT SIEGEL
Published: January 7, 2012

SYDNEY, Australia — Fiji’s military rulers on Saturday lifted a state of martial law that has been in place since 2009, setting the stage for public deliberations on a new constitution and a promised return to democratic elections within the next two years.

However, even as the lifting of martial law was being touted in the capital, Suva, the country’s current leader, Commodore Frank Bainimarama announced on Friday a raft of new regulations and restrictions that have led to concerns that his government will pursue the sheen of legitimacy while continuing to silence its critics through force.

Fiji, a former British colony made up of roughly 330 islands in the central Pacific Ocean, has been under military rule since a 2006 coup led by Mr. Bainimarama. The emergency regulations that ended Saturday had greatly expanded police powers, placed government censors in newsrooms and curtailed the rights of nongovernmental organizations and religious organizations to hold meetings.

In his speech on Friday, Mr. Bainimarama announced the official lifting of the emergency laws, which were enacted after a decision to abrogate the constitution led the courts to declare his government illegitimate. He said that the emergency powers had given his government time to stabilize the country, which has been wracked by political and ethnic tensions for decades. His opponents, however, accused the military junta of using their powers to crush dissent and hobble civil society.

“There is nothing more I want than a Fiji with a truly democratic government, one representative of all Fijians. For the first time in our history, we are on the path to making this a reality,” Mr. Bainimarama said in the speech.

Since gaining independence from Britain in 1970, Fiji has lived under four military juntas. But the latest coup and subsequent crackdown by the regime greatly isolated the island state, which is a member of the British-led Commonwealth of Nations. Australia and New Zealand have imposed tough unilateral sanctions and the country had its membership in the Commonwealth suspended in 2009.

The governments of both Australia and New Zealand cautiously welcomed the decision to lift the emergency regulations, although they said that any discussion of an end to sanctions or to the country’s regional isolation would be contingent on measurable progress in the arena of human rights and democracy development.

While life will be easier for opposition groups, there is still a strong possibility that speech considered inflammatory by the government could still be punished, says Jenny Hayward-Jones, a regional expert at The Lowy Institute, a research organization based in Sydney.

“It seems likely that organizations who were the targets of the Public Emergency Regulations — mostly NGOs, the Methodist Church, prominent individual critics and media outlets — will need to continue to be cautious in whatever comments they make about government in the public domain, because they still stand to be punished under the additional decrees,” she said.

In his speech on Friday, Mr. Bainimarama compared the new regulations to anti-terror legislation in The United States and hate crimes legislation in The United Kingdom and Australia that forbid inflammatory public rhetoric.

Toward the end of the speech, however, he clearly stated that no attempts to destabilize the elections or constitutional consultations would be allowed.

“Know that elections cannot be held in an environment devoid of social cohesion and economic stability. Know that those who seek to destabilize society only do so to serve their own interests. They do not serve you,” Mr. Bainimarama said. “Also know that we will not tolerate an iota of disruption to the peace, safety, stability and common and equal citizenry we now enjoy.”

Michael Field: Bainimarama always breaking his word

Michael Field

“We will not tolerate an iota of disruption to the peace, safety, stability and common and equal citizenry we now enjoy….”
Voreqe Bainimarama, speech to Fiji, 6 January 2012.

Those of us who were there that damp Suva Sunday evening remember much of the strangeness. The empty swimming pool covered in plywood, the piss stench from dozens of men who had drank way too much kava and impeccably dressed George Speight.

It was 9 July 2000, at what we all came to know as “Iloilo’s House” in Maunikau. Down the road, Speight and his thugs held the government hostage, coming up to 58 days. Earlier attempted deals had failed, but this one was different because Inoke Takiveikata, the Qaranivalu of Naitasiri, was involved.

This led to the Maunikau Accords to release the hostages and for the rebels to return the military arms to the barracks. There was a conditional amnesty, which Bainimarama, as martial law administrator, signed on the covered pool, a stupidly self-satisfied Speight standing beside him.

As Bainimarama signed, he said, in a barely audible voice, that it was “the beginning of a long journey” and added, “let us unite as one people for the sake of our beloved country.”

Even as I watched the signing, I believed the Accord was a set up. Surprisingly Speight felt it had moral authority. After all, he could say, Bainimarama had made promises. I was not alone in wondering at the worth of a promise made under duress.

Speight held an “open day” at Parliament to hand back the arms. He strolled up to me for a chat. I did say to him that he faced arrest. He did not see it at all that way; he believed in Bainimarama’s signature.

All this is not to say I feel some sympathy for Speight – he got everything he deserved.

I was not at all surprised when on 26 July 2000, the military grabbed Speight, and next day went into Kalabu and seized 369 coup plotters. While Speight and gang may have felt they had a piece of paper – but what they had not realized was that Bainimarama was not then, and has not been since, a man of his word.

He nearly paid for that little fact on 2 November 2000; the people he had betrayed at Maunikau tried to kill him.

In the only combat action of his entire military career, Bainimarama ran and tumbled down a steep bank as his own men shot at him. He extracted brutal revenge.

The central point though is that the events occurred because Bainimarama promised one thing, and did another.

It is this that makes him impossible to work with seriously – there is no way of knowing whether what he says on Day One is going to be the same as on Day Three. How can anybody do serious business with a man like that?

Jump forward to his second coup, that of December 2006 (his first was 29 May 2000).

Oddly, he promised to stage the coup and kept to his word; illustrating that when something is good for him, he will do it.

In 2007, he then went to the Pacific Forum Summit in Tonga. There he promised to the leaders that he would hold elections by March 2008. Later he denied he made any such promise, but it stretches credibility completely to imagine that he was right and 15 other leaders were wrong.

No, the truth was that as at Maunikau, Bainimarama is simply incapable of keeping to his word. It is impossible to work with him.

I had a good off-the-record relationship with the late New Zealand Governor-General Sir Paul Reeves. Sent to Fiji by the Commonwealth he tried to negotiate a return to some kind of democracy. He was never in any doubt that so long as it was Bainimarama who he was negotiating with, nothing would happen.

Reeves bemoaned how difficult it was to even talk with Bainimarama, how he would launch into bombastic speech even when in a room with a handful of people. Reeves kept trying, but he quickly warned me once not to expect anything: “he is impossible”.

The gap between the promise and the break can be short.

On 1 January 2012, he gave a New Year speech he announced that his latest three year long bout of martial law would cease on 7 January 2012. He said nothing about new rules to come but much of the region took him at his word. His statement was welcomed by the United Nations, the Commonwealth and assorted leaders in the region. Australia and New Zealand were urged to ease sanctions.

He had created the expectation of change, an implied undertaking, if not an actual promise.

Again, he has duped everybody and come out with the Public Order (Amendment) Decree. It breaks that implication of just six days earlier.

Deception taints all Bainimarama’s decisions. He cannot be trusted, but he expects everybody else to trust him.

The latest address is a tour d’force in hypocrisy.

“No modern state wishes anarchy upon itself,” he said.

Of course, no modern state would wish to see a military commander with wrap around glasses and some PLO scarf on his neck, charging into the business district during peak hours. No modern state would wish to have soldiers firing mortars at imagine enemies sailing into Suva harbour at midnight.

Bainimarama did all that.

“In Fiji, we too have experienced terrorism such as the events of 2000, during which government members were held captive by terrorists for close to two months.”

In December 2006, we watched Bainimarama’s men charge into the same Parliament and drag away politicians and staff; one was terrorism, the other was not.

Again, how to deal with a man who has this view of the world?

He talks of the ransacking of Suva and Muaniweni as terrorism; no mention is made of the seizing of people in the streets of Fiji, the random beatings and the occasional deaths.

That in 2000 was terrorism; in 2006/7 it was keeping order and stability.

His order and stability.

Bainimarama has taken a parliamentary act passed at independence to enrich his power. He has decided to “effectively address terrorism, offences against public order and safety, racial and religious vilification, hate speech, and economic sabotage”.

He is quite right to say that other countries have similar legislation, but he misses the point that these laws came only after a democratic process in which parliaments and courts, along with major public inputs, came up with “anti-terrorism” laws. If citizens of those other states disagree with the anti-terrorism acts, they can always vote politicians out of office. No chance with Bainimarama.

In Fiji, Bainimarama just dreamt the decrees up.

No one was asked, although the likelihood now is that the almost entirely passive Fiji public, all their inputs heavily censored and deeply controlled by the military, would have said yes … and gone off to the opium of rugby sevens and beauty contests.

He is entirely disingenuous in saying that a person can be only detained for 48 hours before further detention requires the permission of the police commissioner for another 14 days. He says it as if the commissioner is some kind of objective independent figure with free will and the right to make his own decision. In fact, he is a lower ranked military officer who follows orders from Bainimarama.

He also gives the impression that he is generous in that he says Fiji will not allow “tracking devices” to be installed on individuals. Are Fijians supposed to be grateful? Will it stop soldiers showing up at houses in the dead of night to haul critics up to the barracks?

Bainimarama says that under his regime there has been “an overall decrease in the crime rate”. He is making that up, there is no statistical basis to that at all.

He can take credit for the big fall in the convictions for treason, misprision of treason and swearing false oaths. Since 2006, there has been absolutely no conviction of any of these. Wonder why?

There have been no arrests either (thus order exists) for unsolved murders committed on 2 November 2000, nor has anybody been prosecuted for threatening an entire population with bloodshed and terrorism by marching an army down the main street of Suva.

There is order, and there is order.

Bainimarama says martial law bought “order”, but he fails to state that order existed and had been handed down by the Court of Appeal in 2009. They said he had broken the law and that his government was illegal.

So there has been an “overall decrease” in the crime rate – easy to do if you do not prosecute those who break the major laws?

He lists “reforms and changes”. They can be read in his speech; but the simple, overwhelming fact is that there is no consensus or public approval for any of these reforms or changes – they were simply imposed by Bainimarama and his military council. Some, undoubtedly, are good measures and may even survive past the regime itself.

On 1 January, Bainimarama scrapped martial law that came with tough censorship. Six days later he broke that promise: “Negativity would have been further exacerbated by the media bias in particular of the Fiji Times and Fiji TV. Media is undoubtedly powerful and critical for a well-informed public. However, personal, political and racial agendas cannot be allowed to take precedence and continue behind the façade of a free press.”

How can the public be well informed when it is the military deciding what they can read?

Actually there will be no media freedom in Fiji. Bainimarama has created a clever little control regime, by decree again, in which a committee of quislings including journalists turn on each other and ensure that readers will never really read the truth.

Sadly, in Fiji today, no one knows the truth at all.

To complete the shattered promises, Bainimarama brings out the fist: “Know that those who seek to destabilize society only do so to serve their own interests. They do not serve you. Also know that we will not tolerate an iota of disruption to the peace, safety, stability and common and equal citizenry we now enjoy.”

Thanks to Bainimarama, Fiji is a sadly perverted place in which the expression “Fiji the way the world should be” is turned on its head and it is now “Fiji, the place the world can no longer figure out…”

Or trust or do business with.

7 January 2012

The Spoof-dot-com: Fijian Dictator wants to become King

Monday, 2 January 2012

Commodore Voreqe "Frank" Bainimarama, supreme leader and overlord of the South Pacific island nation of Fiji, has indicated that he is unhappy with his hands-on role of governing the popular tourist destination.

"When I took charge in glorious honour back in 2006, I never assumed that I would have to work as hard as I have. Do you think that these people torture themselves?" CDRE Bainimarama mused during a sedate Kava ceremony/press conference.

CDRE Bainimarana has long been known for having arguably, the most ridiculous headdress of any world leader - which has become a sore point for the burly leader.

"On reflection, it might have been a little short-sighted westernising my name as Frank and then wearing a beret." he stated. "However, I must admit I have had enough of the shouts of "ohh Betty" from my late colleagues."

CDRE Bainimarama then outlined his plan to relinquish the office he has held for almost six years, upgrading his trademark beret to a crown.

"From now on, I will be your King." Bainimaram decreed. "I can finally retire the beret!"

The beret will be auctioned so that the economy will not dip into recession when the new letterheads are printed.

King Frank I is set to be crowned at a time of his choosing.