December 11, 2012

Comic Relief: URGENT MEDIA RELEASE From the Ministry of Miss Information Fiji


LA Peter biggest supplier of Pot in Fiji

In shocking claims made at the AG's Conference, Alisi DrugsfromRewa said that pot in Fiji was all brought into the country by LA Peter. This well known gangster from Los Angeles is one of California’s major drug suppliers.

However until now it was not thought he had any links with Fiji. The Ministry of Miss Information was in contact with Officer Mary-Jane Reefer of the LA Drug squad. She said “LA Peter has been looking to expand his territory across the Pacific and India. He has been in the Pot business for a long time and he uses canoes to transport pot on the ocean. These small vessels are perfect for smuggling as they are undetectable on radar.”

Mr Ashwin Roach of the University of Smoking Pot supported Miss DrugsfromRewa’s claims. “The AG wrote both of our speeches so we know the information is 100% accurate. He would never tell an untruth.” Mr Roach lied.

Fiji Police Commissioner NoValorHere has rubbished these claims. “All Pot in Fiji is locally produced. I recommend to users they only buy Pot with the Made in Fiji Logo on the packaging. That means it’s being sold by my officers direct from the evidence room. No Pot is brought into the country and the majority is grown in Kadavu and Nadroga. This story about LA Peter is a complete fabrication and is being used to divert attention away from the local I-Tokers.”

“The main Drug King pin in Fiji is Mr Haiyaz A Kite (Pictured). He has been running the Pot business for the past 6 years. We have a lot of evidence and he has been arrested on a regular basis. However we believe he is being protected by someone right at the top of the judiciary. He has been in court more times than I can say but every time the judge says there is no case to answer.”

Recently Mr Haiyaz A Kite married a girl from Nadroga. NoValorHere went on “The Police believe Haiyaz A Kite married into this family so he could secure his supply from the Sigatoker Paradise valley which is the pot growing centre of Fiji.”

He appealed to the public to please come forward with any relevant information. He is especially interested in who is the Mr. Big of organized crime in the Ministry of Justice.

“The police and the boys in Green will be working on a joint operation together.” Announced Land Force Commander, General Thickoitoga, “It is important that the police are not the only ones making bad drug related puns in this press release.  We may have lost the Sukuna Bowl but when it comes to the Suckona Bong the RFMF are the champions.”

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