November 29, 2012

Comic Relief: Grubby Replies

Darling Shazzer

Sorry no speaky speaky, been busy ever since I got back to Sydney. I'm planning my very own "Grubby TV Christmas Special", featuring will feature me (of course), carrying my Walkley Award and frolicking bare-chested down a studio set with a backdrop of Victoria Parade in the 1950s.  We will film the Government Buildings clock going "bong" (even if we have to record the "bong" at a time which is not quite at the top of the hour). I will be in a sleigh drawn by four bulamakaus including a young heifer who I've christened "Sharon the Red-Haired Reindeer" in your honour. We will sell advertising space on the sides of the other bulamakaus, just to show off one more of my clever Walkley-winning ways.

Just one problem, nobody's expressed any interest in it yet. Things are getting desperate. You might have to ring Riaz at FBC TV, he seems prepared to pay top dollar for any amount of crap, why not mine?

Look, sorry about the bula shirt at the Budget but I had no idea that anybody took any of that stuff so seriously. Sheez, that was a surprise. All these high-flying business and government guys in their Sunday best all lapping up all that rubbish we wrote in the Budget speech. I had no idea - you can feed this bunch anything at all and they will praise it. "Empowering Fijians", "Modernize our Nation", "Strengthen Our Economy." It means nothing and they love it! Actually, to tell you the truth I was a bit hung over at the time I was writing that, I just photocopied it from one of Qarase's prime ministerial speeches in 2004. All that PR stuff didn't do him much good either, I guess.  

Now, what about this stuff-up on the drugs? Why is Dr Neil Bainimasharma telling the Fiji Times he's wasted $3m on expired pharmaceuticals? Wasn't there some big story soon after he was appointed about how he was going to reform the Government Pharmacy to stop all the waste? This is a complete embarrassment Shazzer, can't we tell the idiot to stick to his stethoscope and stop talking to the Press? Not empowering too many Fijians with that move, I must say.

Sorry, got to go, I need to paint on some more chest-hair for the stills of "Grubby's TV Christmas Special".



This is to inform the public that some of the above is fictional. The Government Buildings clock does not go "bong", but since Grubby hasn't lived in Fiji for 40 years, he doesn't know that. 

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