June 19, 2013

Shazzer and Grubby: Fiji Ministry of Miss Information News

Darling Grubby, 

Do you ever get the feeling that if you want to do something well you have to do it yourself. Don’t worry I am not talking about your rather tepid performance on Saturday night though I did have to take things into my own hands as it were.

No this is directed at Rear Arse over at Frankly Broadcasting Crap. As you know the Ministry of Miss Information used to do a nightly news broadcast. We were able to stop that because we believed FBC would be able to do a good job. The idea was great because that enabled my Ministry to cover every electioneering event by the Glorious Leader and the True Leader. 

That is going to have to stop as FBC has not been delivering the stories we need and I am once again going to have to take my place in front of the cameras reading the nightly news. I have heard I have quite a following in Kiuva, in fact my one and only fan letter came from there.

I am secretly pleased as it means I have unlimited funds for my wardrobe and Merely Bananas has promised to bring me back some Hote Queueture (Those French never knew how to spell) from the European Fashion shows. 

Let me know whether you prefer me in Versace or Yves St Laurent. Calm down Grubby I already know you prefer me in nothing. 

Please click on my beautifool to see the latest broadcast and I want you to tell me, I am much better than Merry NightlyCrow and Jackal Spite.

What are we going to do about the Glorious Leader’s Salary. You and I know that he is worth every cent of his $1m a year. But that’s because he pays us over half a million. But I am not sure the voters who are struggling to buy a long loaf will think the same way. We have kept it hidden for as long as possible but the UFDF (United Force of Dictator Fighters) have really got their bread knives out. 

Do you think we could get away with paying his Commander’s salary into a bank account and pretending the other $990,000 does not exist. I know we can get the Fiji SUNk to publish it as fact but I am not sure anyone believes a word they print any more. The joke down at Dan’s is that yesterdays Lies are today’s Fish and Chip wrappers.

Got to dash, I have an appointment at Jaded to get the full make over. It is so hard to stay beautiful for the camera. 

Hugs and Kisses


This is to inform the public that this letter is a piece of fiction. However, some of the people and events mentioned are real.

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